i was really hungry.

today i decided to make a chess pie. i am not a very good baker and everything i make usually turns out like crap, but i decided to do it anyways.

this is the recipe i used:
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OLD FASHIONED CHESS PIE

INGREDIENTS:

• 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar, divided
• 1 cup light brown sugar, packed
• 1/4 cup sifted flour
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 4 eggs, divided
• 1/2 cup butter
• 1/2 cup milk
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract, divided
• 1 unbaked 9-inch pie shell

In a saucepan, combine 1 cup granulated sugar, the brown sugar, milk, flour, and butter; heat, stirring, until dissolved. Cool. Beat 3 egg yolks and 1 whole egg; add 1 teaspoon vanilla and salt. Combine with cooled mixture and blend well.

Pour filling into unbaked pie shell. Bake for 35 to 40 minutes at 350°. Lower temperature to 250° to finish baking. When pie is done, it will be puffy across the top. Remove from oven. Beat 3 remaining egg whites until foamy; gradually beat in the granulated sugar and remaining vanilla. Beat until stiff peaks form. Cover pie with meringue. Return to oven and bake at 325° for another 10 minutes, or until meringue is golden brown.
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this all sounds relatively simple, but i spent FIVE HOURS making this pie. really. from the time i started til the time i could eat a fckdnfknsgsdk piece of pie, FIVE FOURS went by. seriously. i do not make pies very often and am by no means a pie-expert, but still.

i started by combining a stick of butter, a cup of packed brown sugar, a cup of sugar-sugar, a half cup of milk, a teaspoon of vanilla, and 1/4 cup “sifted” flour in a pot. i do not have a sifter so i just beat the crap out of a bowl of flour with a fork until it was sifted enough. i put it all over heat. i had a bunch of lumpy flour globs, but they eventually went away and everything melted together.

i set it aside to cool while i did the next step. i beat three egg yolks and one whole egg together, and added salt and vanilla. once the first mix was cool, i combined it with the eggs.

i cannot seriously see myself trying to make a pie crust from scratch and coming anywhere close to succeeding, so i got out my prepackaged pie crust and let it come to room temperature.

i got the crust ready by laying it in a pie pan, trimming the edges, making them all ~fancy~, and jabbing a bunch of holes in the bottom with a fork.

i dumped everything in it and put it in the preheated oven. it sat in there for 40 minutes, and then i was supposed to turn it down to 250 until it was done. the recipe did not make any mention of approximately how long this would be, so i had to constantly stab it with a knife to see if it was done yet. finally i decided it was done, and it coooooooled foreveeeeeeeerrrrr.

THEN IT WAS MERINGUE TIME.

i have always wanted to make meringue so it was like a party except with less cake and confetti, and more pie and MERINGUE. i put the egg whites that were left from before in a bowl. i used my beloved kitchen-aid hand mixer to beat them into oblivion. i beat them and beat them, slowly adding sugar and vanilla until i could beat no more, and finally “stiff peaks formed” so the meringue was done.

a stiff peak.

i covered the pie with meringue and put it back in the oven for, like, 20 minutes at 350, because 10 minutes at 325 was not really workin’ out. finally it turned “golden brown” and it was done! MY PIE WAS FINALLY DONE. but then it had to cool for another 30,000 years.

finally, at around eight o’clock, i FINALLY! got to eat a piece of my pie!! it was deeeelicious but not as good as arnold’s. nothing is as good as arnold’s. chris came over later and ate a piece of it and i’m pretty sure (but not positive) that he didn’t hate it. he ate a piece and did not barf all over the kitchen floor, so that is a good sign.

hooraY!