i was really hungry.

last night (it was last night at the time i stated this post, six days ago..) this question came to me: is the swedish food at the ikea cafe in sweden even MORE SWEDISH than the food at the ikea cafe here? what do they eat at ikea in the rest of the world?

if you too are wondering, here is the answer!:

SWEDEN: at ikea sweden, left to right, top to bottom: salmon with chicken symphony, baked salmon with roasted vegetables and apple glaze, pork with french fries and bearnaise sauce (a sauce made of clarified butter and egg yolks), swedish meatballs with boiled potatoes and lingonberry jam just as most ikeas have, a gravad lax (raw cured salmon) wrap, and a swedish almond torte.

for breakfast, swedish people at ikea eat two table rolls with a slice of salmon, slice of cheese, slice of salami, two portions of butter, jam and a cup of coffee! this is a whole lot more swedish than the two slices of bacon, scrambled eggs, and home fries that an american ikea serves.

GERMANY: while strolling through your local german ikea in search of a new dining room table, you can stop and eat the following things: a vegetarian couscous with sour cream, a giant crossaint for breakfast, the salmon-salami-cheese-roll platter that the swedish eat, a rather strange hotdog at the ikea bistro on your way out, a piece of almond cake, or this pork schnitzel with fries:

CZECH REPUBLIC: at ikea in the czech republic, choose between a plate full of marinated salmon with some kind of mysterious mustard sauce, an open faced sandwich of sorts with smoked salmon, or beef schnitzel with cream sauce, potatoes, and gherkins.

POLAND: fried camembert cheese with french fries and tartar sauce, pork roast with potatoes and beets, breaded pork cutlet with vegetables and potatoes, salmon on steamed vegetables, golonka (pigs leg!!?) with potatoes and broccoli, roast beef, beef tripe soup, and some sort of delicious looking chocolate cake.

FRANCE: at a french ikea, say bonjour to grilled marinated pork, lemon cheesecake, pasta salad with grilled vegetables, chêvre (goat cheese) and pistou (a cold sauce made from garlic cloves, olive oil, and fresh basil), and a square pastry full of roasted apricots.

NORWAY: ja to bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs, and beans (!??) served with salad, chicken legs served with asian vegetables and lime chili sauce, spare ribs with coleslaw and potatoes, a plate of crayfish, french strawberry cheesecake, salmon sirloin with chive sauce and root vegetables, a greek salad, pancakes with jam and cream, chocolate pudding, salmon with vegetables served with potatoes and chive sauce, chocolate cake, what appears to be some kind of sausagy-breakfasty thing, creme brulee, and a beef filet with french fries, broccoli, and bearnaise sauce.

JAPAN: furniture hungry families frantically running around ikea in japan are also hungry for honey marinated salmon, pyttipanna (swedish for “leftovers in pan- traditionally consisting of pan fried onions, potatoes, sausage, or ham) served with a fried egg and vegetables, crayfish and salmon pate, salmon pudding, roast beef with french fries, vegetable curry with rice, swedish paella rice dish with chicken and shrimp, a chili hot dog, mango swirl ice cream cone, swedish hash served with salmon, jansson’s temptation” - a swedish potato and sprat dish (sprats are similar to anchovies), and a mediterranean salad.

ikea in funabashi japan is host to a happy hour with beer for only 100 yen, so you can get totally wasted and go shopping for a couch!!

UK: chick pea tangine with “fruity” cous cous, fish and chips with peas, an english breakfast (including sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, hash browns, beans, and tomatoes), a cherry tart, bacon or sausage ciabatta roll sandwich with fresh cibatta bread (baked in store daily!! for real!), salmon with chive sauce and vegetables, chocolate pie, a moose shaped (well..sort of..) chicken nugget, fries, and peas kids meal, and an open faced meatball sandwich.

i am really really sick of thinking about ikea food. i really just can’t take it anymore. i have been researching ikea food and translating foreign ikea websites for days. it has seeped into my dreams and i am even thinking about gravad lax and swedish crispbread as i sleep. i ended my week long IKEA binge today by eating an open faced shrimp and egg sandwich with mayo and dill at the ikea cafe and buying a 7 dollar coffee table. it is finally over.