i was really hungry.

look at all the amish cookbooks i just won on eBay!!!!!

so today i had planned to go to the one stop kosher market in southfield. i called to make sure they were open BUT of course i stupidly did not realize that saturday is sabbath for jewish people. also i cannot get a seat at the local middle eastern restaurant after dark because it is ramadan and all the muslims are fasting til sunset.

i do not know what i’m going to do now :(((

“here eat this popsicle sweetened with sweetener made from genetically modified corn that tastes like crap and causes male rats to not fully develop their testicles and female rats hearts to expand until they explode!”
“i thought you loved me!!”
“i do! but it is made from corn so it’s okay!!!”
“omg why didn’t you bring more *awesome* popsicles? HFCS=true love!!!”

it’s hard to eat high fructose corn syrup in moderation when it’s not only in your popsicle, but in your yogurt, your sub bun at subway, your shake n bake, your stove top stuffing, your corn flakes, the lunchables you are feeding your kids, your ketchup, and everything else in your pantry, refrigerator, and freezer. the HFCS site sweetsurprise.com’s headline is, “Factual Information About Common Sweeteners Like Sugar, Honey, And High Fructose Corn Syrup.”, trying to lump it in with sugar and honey like it occurs naturally in nature and grows on the high fructose corn syrup tree or something.it’s cheap, it sucks, and it doesn’t even taste good.

last night at ajiten in canton, my spanish mackerel had a face. while i am generally a somewhat adventurous eater, and have bravely eaten things such as rubbery octopus tentacles, mucusy fermented soybeans, aloe vera, slimy pickled cactus, and eels, having a fish staring back at me from my plate was a whole new level of strange. however, i will eat pretty much anything, and it did not take me long to get over it. i was soon picking fish-flesh off of tiny little bones with my chopsticks. i was mildly squicked again upon finding some type of fish organ.. (perhaps a stomach).. but i hid it from sight and continued eating. many needle-like fish bones stabbed the roof of my mouth, but eventually it was over and the check came.

the end.

alton brown’s 4 part series “feasting on waves” premiers on food network in exactly 31 minutes!!

“Alton Brown goes in search of America’s culinary roots and Caribbean flavors in Feasting on Waves. He starts his journey on St. Kitts (aka St. Christopher), named by and for Christopher Columbus on his second journey to the new world. Alton, like Christopher, is traveling North and West through the Leeward Islands and on to the British Virgin Islands. Alton maintains the spirit of Feasting on Asphalt and seeks out the most authentic and traditional foods of the regions and meets the people who created them. Restaurants are the most obvious targets but Feasting is about the unexpected, so Alton also ventures to find roadside stands, street vendors, farmer’s markets, farms, spice houses and homes of local cooks who make specialties of the region.” - foodnetwork.com

the apple orchard is OFFICIALLY OPEN. i went this weekend and ate warm cinnamon sugar donuts and drank dirty, disgusting, and delicious unpasteurized apple cider to my heart’s content.

they also had caramel apples to destroy all your dental fillings, honey with the honeycomb, pancake mixes, giant bags of apples, powdered sugar donuts, plain donuts, nasty taffy that tastes like cough syrup (that chris mistakenly thinks tastes good), and enough honey sticks for everyone!!

i also got to meet an ostrich. i was scared it was going to stick it’s big long neck over the fence and get me, so the picture is out of focus.

i also got to do this:

the michigan state fair sucks. it is expensive, boring, and in the middle of murder city aka detroit. your dining options include a corn dog, a corn dog, or a corn dog, washed down with a tiny cup of three dollar lemonade or a slightly larger cup of five dollar lemonade. i speak from experience, but the fair was not a total loss BECAUSE I ATE A DEEP FRIED OREO. i realize that eating deep fried oreos is seriously disgusting, and seriously hazardous to my health, but do you blame me?!

they were battered and fried right before my very own eyes by this slightly sick and tired fair-stand man. his stand also offered deep fried twinkies and deep fried snickers bars, but priced at 4 dollars a piece, they are for another day and another fair.

the oreos came hot on a paper plate, sprinkled with powdered sugar and drizzled with chocolate syrup.

they were hot, sweet, and doughnut-y on the outside. the oreo on the inside had turned soft and cake-like. i wrapped one up in a napkin and carried it around the fair to bring home to chris so he too could experience the magic of a deep fried oreo. i don’t think he was as enchanted by them as i was, but no one ever is.

last night (it was last night at the time i stated this post, six days ago..) this question came to me: is the swedish food at the ikea cafe in sweden even MORE SWEDISH than the food at the ikea cafe here? what do they eat at ikea in the rest of the world?

if you too are wondering, here is the answer!:

SWEDEN: at ikea sweden, left to right, top to bottom: salmon with chicken symphony, baked salmon with roasted vegetables and apple glaze, pork with french fries and bearnaise sauce (a sauce made of clarified butter and egg yolks), swedish meatballs with boiled potatoes and lingonberry jam just as most ikeas have, a gravad lax (raw cured salmon) wrap, and a swedish almond torte.

for breakfast, swedish people at ikea eat two table rolls with a slice of salmon, slice of cheese, slice of salami, two portions of butter, jam and a cup of coffee! this is a whole lot more swedish than the two slices of bacon, scrambled eggs, and home fries that an american ikea serves.

GERMANY: while strolling through your local german ikea in search of a new dining room table, you can stop and eat the following things: a vegetarian couscous with sour cream, a giant crossaint for breakfast, the salmon-salami-cheese-roll platter that the swedish eat, a rather strange hotdog at the ikea bistro on your way out, a piece of almond cake, or this pork schnitzel with fries:

CZECH REPUBLIC: at ikea in the czech republic, choose between a plate full of marinated salmon with some kind of mysterious mustard sauce, an open faced sandwich of sorts with smoked salmon, or beef schnitzel with cream sauce, potatoes, and gherkins.

POLAND: fried camembert cheese with french fries and tartar sauce, pork roast with potatoes and beets, breaded pork cutlet with vegetables and potatoes, salmon on steamed vegetables, golonka (pigs leg!!?) with potatoes and broccoli, roast beef, beef tripe soup, and some sort of delicious looking chocolate cake.

FRANCE: at a french ikea, say bonjour to grilled marinated pork, lemon cheesecake, pasta salad with grilled vegetables, chêvre (goat cheese) and pistou (a cold sauce made from garlic cloves, olive oil, and fresh basil), and a square pastry full of roasted apricots.

NORWAY: ja to bacon, sausages, scrambled eggs, and beans (!??) served with salad, chicken legs served with asian vegetables and lime chili sauce, spare ribs with coleslaw and potatoes, a plate of crayfish, french strawberry cheesecake, salmon sirloin with chive sauce and root vegetables, a greek salad, pancakes with jam and cream, chocolate pudding, salmon with vegetables served with potatoes and chive sauce, chocolate cake, what appears to be some kind of sausagy-breakfasty thing, creme brulee, and a beef filet with french fries, broccoli, and bearnaise sauce.

JAPAN: furniture hungry families frantically running around ikea in japan are also hungry for honey marinated salmon, pyttipanna (swedish for “leftovers in pan- traditionally consisting of pan fried onions, potatoes, sausage, or ham) served with a fried egg and vegetables, crayfish and salmon pate, salmon pudding, roast beef with french fries, vegetable curry with rice, swedish paella rice dish with chicken and shrimp, a chili hot dog, mango swirl ice cream cone, swedish hash served with salmon, jansson’s temptation” - a swedish potato and sprat dish (sprats are similar to anchovies), and a mediterranean salad.

ikea in funabashi japan is host to a happy hour with beer for only 100 yen, so you can get totally wasted and go shopping for a couch!!

UK: chick pea tangine with “fruity” cous cous, fish and chips with peas, an english breakfast (including sausage, bacon, scrambled eggs, hash browns, beans, and tomatoes), a cherry tart, bacon or sausage ciabatta roll sandwich with fresh cibatta bread (baked in store daily!! for real!), salmon with chive sauce and vegetables, chocolate pie, a moose shaped (well..sort of..) chicken nugget, fries, and peas kids meal, and an open faced meatball sandwich.

i am really really sick of thinking about ikea food. i really just can’t take it anymore. i have been researching ikea food and translating foreign ikea websites for days. it has seeped into my dreams and i am even thinking about gravad lax and swedish crispbread as i sleep. i ended my week long IKEA binge today by eating an open faced shrimp and egg sandwich with mayo and dill at the ikea cafe and buying a 7 dollar coffee table. it is finally over.

i first saw ajiten when driving down ford road in canton on the way to ikea. i saw its name, “AJI TEN” in red lights, but did not know what it was until another day, while driving by, curiosity took over and i drove into the parking lot to find out once and for all. it was a japanese restaurant!!! at first i did not have high hopes for it being anything other than an overpriced suck-hole of people with too much money eating bad sushi, considering other japanese restaurants in the area whose name will not be named..but i stalked around outside of it in the cold in my coat with gloveless frozen fingers to look at the menu in the window. i could only read a portion of it because the glass was dripping wet with condensation, but i could make out that most of the stuff was under nine dollars!! this is an OMGsteal considering comparable meals in the area will run you at least 15 dollars.

aji ten menu circa february 2008, now slightly different

time went by and the snow melted and the seasons changed. i drove by ajiten many more times but did not ever go inside.. until friday!! chris and i went to aji ten!! going to a new restaurant is one of the best things in the world (probably in the top ten) so i was SUPER EXCITED. i’m surprised anyone can find it considering the construction in the parking lot and the giant wooden tunnel you have to walk through to get to the door, but once you do, you shall be greatly rewarded! after we walked in the door, a lady in the back flung her arms around signaling to us to sit wherever we wanted. we sat at a booth but unfortunately i did not sit where i would be facing the TV playing japanese game shows, but i will consider this when making a seating selection next time. we were brought a menu, and a second, dinner special menu. the regular menu included a lot of ramen.

i tried to choose my meal carefully, as i usually suffer from post-ordering-stress-syndrome, another condition called “dish envy”, and general deep regret about my decision. after much contemplation and flip-flopping, i decided to get the green tea noodles. i had never heard of such a thing before, but i’m always up for something new. the japanese waiter guy asked me if i had ever had it before. i told him no, but i was going to try it. he told me it was “green! eehh,ahhhh,green tea!” i said, yes i know. he asked me if i was sure i wanted it. did i make a bad decision? i looked at him in horror. i asked him if it was good (it’s a legitimate question! do YOU think it tastes good?) he said “it’s like regular food for me!!” but he wasn’t sure if i would like it. i told him i would try it anyways. chris is a champion orderer and always orders the most astoundingly mouthwatering thing on the entire menu, totally blowing what i eat out of the water every time. this time, he got the chicken katsu curry. we also ordered two sushi rolls, an eel roll with cream cheese, and a crunchy tuna roll.

the sushi came out and it was amazing. like really. i mean, if you are going to eat an eel, in the form of sushi alongside cream cheese is a good way to do it. the crunchy tuna roll was crunchy and tuna-y, i guess.

chris’s dinner came with miso soup and a not-pictured salad, because it was half eaten by the time i took a picture of it.

the katsu curry came out before my green tea noodles. i always have to have a bite of all the food around me, so i ate some of it. it was one of the most delicious things i’ve ever tasted. i say that about a lot of things, but i eat a lot of extremely delicious things so it is always a very true statement. it was on an enormous brown and black plate. japanese curry is so F. good. i try to keep my blog G-rated or i would use obscenities to describe its deliciousness. it came with a giant, steaming pile of white rice. the curry was thick, and not spicy like indian curry. actually it tasted kind of like a currified pot roast with rice and breaded chicken, except thirty times more delicious than a pot roast. i suffered serious dish envy.

my green tea noodles came out. they were the kind of noodles that come on a box. japanese people always yell at me for eating them wrong. the first time i ate them it made sense to me to pour dipping sauce OVER the noodles and a little japanese lady came over and scolded me for doing it wrong. this time i did not stupidly pour my dipping sauce over the noodles like the stupid american that i am, but APPARENTLY i was supposed to mix the wasabi, green onions, and radish from the little dish INTO the dipping sauce and NOT put it over over the noodles, as a japanese guy very plainly told me. i have no noodles-on-a-box etiquette and i am starting not to care. i hate when i accidentally order noodles that come piled on a box.

anyways, i got over it. my noodles were very green (much greener than pictured) but didn’t really taste like tea. they were kind of bland without their sauce, but good with the sauce they were. it was a soy-saucy tasting kind of a broth deal. if there is an official name for something like this besides “soy-saucy broth” then i do not know about it. a glob of wasabi did not dissolve and i ate it whole by accident and practically burned holes into my sinus cavities.

our meal of giant katsu curry, green noodles on a box, and two rolls of sushi was only 24 dollars!! the sushi was not even a necessity, and we totally could have eaten a delicious japanese dinner for 16 dollars! so thank you aji ten for providing delicious, affordable japanese food to an otherwise deprived area!

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i can confidently say that chris and i were the only ones eating imported swedish chocolate at the nine inch nails show last night.